The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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