my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
