I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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