I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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