i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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