Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
