Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
