party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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