the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
