Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
