My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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