i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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