So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
