All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
