dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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