oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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