Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
