I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
