The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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