DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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