I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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