May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
