just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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