Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize