Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
