I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
