my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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