Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
