he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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