she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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