Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
