I'm going to rape someone's good day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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