thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize