No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
