U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I fill condoms, not promises.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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