i already hear my dad disowning me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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