he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
