3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
