Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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