I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
