It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize