You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
