covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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