I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
