Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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