i may or may not be watching the land before time
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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