it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
