New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
