Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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