I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
