Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
