i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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