I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
