people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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