I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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