I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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