I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I party with great urgency now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
