hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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