I wish I only lived at night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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