Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she told me i tasted like america
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize