My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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