and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
