Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
