okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
