There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
is it fun? or sober?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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