I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
