ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
